It has been way too long since I blogged but what an appropriate time to get back on track. It is the transitioning period! You know where one year is coming to an end and another is just about to begin. This is when we start to make all of our promises and decrees about how next year will be and how things are going to be different…you know the drill.
However for some people (like myself) it is a time of change. Scary change but change none the less. Starting just 2 years ago I decided I wanted to be a better person. I didn’t want people to just think I was a good person; I wanted to FEEL like a good person. For so many years I have been blessed with favors and kindness because of how great my mother and father are, or how great my grandparents are. We are a huge and family and well known in our small community. Which is great and everything but I was turning 30…what legacy was I leaving for my children? I wasn’t and that is what made me want more. I wanted to be a better mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend…you name it I wanted to improve. Most of all I wanted all the drama to just go away.
The DRAMA don’t we all just want it to disappear. It will never happen. You have to disappear from drama…run from it, hide from it, make yourself INVISIBLE. I didn’t nail it in 2012, I saw improvement but it wasn’t nearly enough. BUT…here at the end of 2013 I can say YES! VICTORY IS MINE! Now don’t get me wrong petty things come up here and there but nothing major. Here is the thing though…the drama is still there, I changed. I don’t feel the need to voice my opinion on every little thing, when people make clear that they don’t like me…I stay away, and most importantly I focus so hard on all the blessings half the time I completely miss whatever drama is going on.
Yeah I am looking forward to 2014…my decree is still the same though. I want to be a better person. I want each day to pass with me learning a new lesson and growing in character.
So tell me what is your transition? Something new? Something old? Or Something in progress
I realized recently that I am never going to make it to my finish/goal line. However, that was not the most shocking thing about the realization; that I am my own problem was.
Have you ever seen a person get stuck serving people at a family dinner. Let’s use the “juice bowl” as an example. The person is standing there about to fill their cup and someone comes along so they kindly fill that persons cup first. Before they can get to their cup another person arrives, another, and another. Till finally the person has to make a choice to STOP pouring and fill their own cup or they mindswell just out their own cup down and become the unsolicited juice server. Never tasting the beverage they set out to get.
Life is the same way. Unless you are willing to say STOP or NO, you will never accomplish your goals and dreams. Now due to my religious beliefs I believe that there is a season for everything…even for ME. But how ofter do we pass by our season to help someone else? How many times do you say “yes” knowing that it is going to knock our own plans right out of sync? The answer is too many times. And the worst part is we normally get into such a routine of doing it that it becomes second nature so when you take time for youself it doesn’t even feel right anymore. Now isn’t that crazy…uncomfortable taking time out for yourself.
We have to do better. Our joy battery cannot run on “helping others” alone. It needs “me” time; time to know that the vessel carrying it is important to. It is ok to love ourselves, to cherish our hopes and dreams, and most importantly it is ok to GO FIRST SOMETIMES!
How can you reach the end if you are telling everyone around you “It’s ok, you can go ahead of me”?
Don’t be last in your own race…BE FIRST, so you can help others cross after you!
Hey Yall -
It has been quite some time since my last blog. I have been going through so much that I needed to write in my personal journal before trying to make sense of it on here. Since last talking with you all I have developed some new health challenges and some work ones too. I know I wrote a blog about how pressure makes “diamonds” a while back, but honestly I felt like I was under too much pressure and there would be nothing left of me but dust in the end. Definitely not a diamond.
Honestly I am still going through it but I wanted to share something that I realized during this tough time with you all. Some of you may already know this but STOP THINKING ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK AND SURVIVE! Every time I go through something my first thoughts are “Oh gosh who is going to notice? How will this look to others? What will people think?”. And these thoughts have almost driven me completely insane. I cannot even focus on my problem or put the energy needed into it because I am placing it somewhere else. The funny thing (which isn’t funny at all) is that it gets even crazier because the people that I am worried about could CARE LESS about me. I mean if a bus was coming they would push me under it (they actually have figuratively speaking). Yet day in and day out I shoot to please them or worse I try to make them understand me as a person. They obviously do not care about me as a person so there is yet another wasted example of time and energy on my part.
So what is the lesson??? Do what you need to do to make it through. NOBODY will ever understand all that you go through or all that you have you deal with. There are a few people that care FOCUS on them. But the others tie up in your “completely out of my control” bag and toss it! Struggling and suffering is hard enough but to do it and have to be worried about who is watching is impossible. Oh and one more thing… no one is going to be proud of you, think you are strong, or respect you more because of the struggles you have weathered, are going through, or are dealing with.
*Correction: some will care and some will respect you…HOLD ON TO THEM! They are true gifts from God.
So stop looking around and look in the mirror, because that is the ONLY person that matters. You can get to the others later.
We go about our lives daily never really stopping to process our thoughts, actions, and feelings. In my opinion that is one reason why the world has become such a cold place to live in. It is like silence is golden; even when it comes to talking to yourself!
You are your own best friend. Sooooo if you aren’t talking to you….who is??? Why has it become so acceptable to just say “I don’t know”? Don’t know why I am sad? Happy? Delusional (well you might not know you are…hence the word “delusional)? Depressed? Confused? I mean when did we stop asking why? Getting down to the bottom of these feelings will help us get to the bottom of our ACTIONS.
There are so many crazy things happening in the world today and all I ever hear people say is “Man, this world is crazy”. Yes it is….but WHY? Why are people losing their minds? Why do grown women fight and act crazy on TV? Why do people want to even put all their business on TV?<—- Ok that was a bit of a rant but you get where I am going with this.
I think these actions come from feelings of insecurities, bitterness, sadness, rage, abandonment…the list goes on and on. So imagine what would happen if we took time and delved into these feelings??? Our actions would start to evolve, there by changing the world.
Yeah I like the SOUND of that. BREAK THE SILENCE AND ASK YOURSELF…..WHY?!
So all I do is beat myself up about how messy my bedroom is. I mean you should hear the things I say to myself. However in all my anger and bashing I have never stopped to make a plan on how to CHANGE my room. I know you think dirty room…clean it. It is not that simple because my room has become a monster; figuratively and literally speaking.
A physical monster in the sense that until this morning I couldn’t even see my floor (try not to judge me). Until two weeks ago the room was where my daughter slept but where my husband, daughter, and me all lived!!! We have clothes out the waaa-zoooooo! So between the clothes, shoes, jewelry, hats, ties, watches, and all the other doo-dads…it is a monster.
Figuratively it is a monster because I have let myself become afraid of the task in my mind. My room is like a big lurking thing at the end of the hall that I am scared to go into because I know what waits for me on the inside. Sad, but very true.
So what to do about the whole situation? I have to get a plan and then I need to implement it! That is the only way to defeat anything in life (monsters included). So this morning my goal was to see my bedroom floor…mission accomplised! Next I put all the clothes on the bed so that I could organize them into piles tonight. If I complete this mission I get a date night with my hubby, should I fail, I will spend my morning and evening catching up on my plan.
So the list goes on and on with positive and negative reinforcements that puts me at an end date of nexrt Tuesday (should I stay on track). Life really is full of monsters…financial, chores, work, anger, kids, marriage, dating…pretty much you name it and there is a monster attached to it. So my advice is to get a plan to defeat your monster…living in fear SUCKS!
( I will keep you all updated on my monster)
Lately I watch my family make plans and then watch them blow up in our faces. Perfectly laid out things seem to be going the right direction then all of a sudden make a sudden sharp turn without any warning. We’ve been handling it pretty good but it comes a point in time when you stop and say what’s going on? Why is this happening?
It seems like no matter how much you plan life is going to throw unexpected curves at you so what do you do then? Do you run? Do you cry? Do you bend to whatever way life wants you go? What do you do?
The right thing to say would be to have faith. To know that no matter what happens God is there and that he has a bigger and better plans for you. But sometimes when it gets bad it’s hard to remember that, so what can we do then? We have to look at the past. We have to look at the things we have already been through.
Sometimes it doesn’t help to try to think about the things that will come… you just need to focus on the things that have already been done. Then let that give you strength to move on. And we haven’t learned anything we’ve that history repeats itself. So if God hasn’t let you down yet he won’t let you down in the future.
So my answer is when the unexpected happens remember what is expected. God will be there. God will answer. God will see you through. And that’s something that you SHOULD expect.
Just look at your past…
I think one of the hardest lessons I have had to learn to date is the true definition of “pressing on”. It doesn’t mean to “just get through it”, at least not to me. When you say “just get through it” I feel like the person will come out on the other end with nothing. They will have not learned nor gained anything. All they can say is “I made it”. And for some people that is enough…I get that. Matter of fact I use to be one of those people. If I made it through then that was enough, but that started to leave me feeling empty. I didn’t feel like I was gaining anything from life just waking up from day to day. That’s when I started to dig deeper.
In digging deeper I was able to find what the meaning of “pressing on” meant to me. It meant going through something that may be uncomfortable, may hurt, or may even be devestating, but still being open to all of your feelings as you deal with the situation. If you are angry figure out why you are angry, or if you are sad try to find the root. Then go one step further if you know the answer (or find it) learn from it and let it make you better. As you “press” you will start to feel a change and a feeling of accomplishment. Why? Because when you “press” you are going to move something; simply by definition. You are moving obstacles, fear, sadness, anger right out of your system. That is what “pressing on” is about to me.
We all know life is not is easy and it is far from fair, but it will hand you the tools needed for you to find peace and joy if you use them correctly. Just something that has been on my mind.
Put enough PRESSure on coal and you get a diamond….so what are you made of?